A Message To Readers (if I even have any):

Chances are you happend upon my little page by googling in the toolbar something completely off the wall, and if that was what you were looking for, then you've come to the right place. Be prepared to waste a period of your life away if you graze around my page. You will not get the alloted time back, so I am warning you, I am not responsible.
I write about absolutely nothing at all. There is no importance to it, nor is there anything that will make you brighter. It will, in fact, make you dumb and possibly entertained a bit. I write because it's an outlet. It's fun and footloose and fancyfree. I have grammar and punctuation problems, and you probably have foul smelling body odor or maybe you walk through life with a constant wedgie. Let's play on that and be stoopit.
Beware of foul language and sometimes disgusting use of words.
Can't say I didn't warn ya.
Over and out.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

A lovely little stroll through the emotions

Emotions.  We haz them.  We all display them.  Emotions are like the various colors of the rainbow.  They all are beautiful in their own way, depending on how we see them.  As demonstrated in the photo above, there are two clashing emotions playing out here.  One of utter happiness, the other of sheer terror, from either the diaper situation or the feel of no end from the tickling.  We ALL know that feeling...it's quite....well....sufficationg. 

We are somewhat defined by our emotions.  How we react gives others an idea of what kind of person we are: a dramatic, a squishy, a cold disgust, or an unalive.  

A dramatic is probably one of my favorites and totally fun to watch in action.  We all have dramatic tendencies from time to time, but a dramatic is dramatic ALL the time.  In a get together, a dramatic throws himself at you like you haven't seen them in a zillion years when you saw them yesterday at the mailbox because you are neighbors and always seem to get to the mailbox at the same times.  A dramatic can be a bit manic.  They adjust to the "feel" of the atmosphere almost immediately.  If there is a sniffle in the crowd, then the dramatic plays it up and starts the river of tears.  They are in charge of setting the mood and stealing the show.  If there is a laugh, they start slapping their knee and let out hee-haw laughs.  And if they injury themselves, that is a real treat.  Depending on the injury, they will really let you know what exactly happened in great detail, even when they are halfway dying.

A squishy is a softheart.  A squishy sees things as darling and pleasantries and goodnesses.  Yup, they can definately be annoying.  But they are harmless.  A squishy would take a dramatic in their arms and give them a bonnet or nee- nee blanket.  They might assist a dramatic, because they think they are just innocents who are somewhat lost like a little doggie.  Their hearts go out to every situation because they see a goodness about everything.  A pile of shit would somewhat make a squishy softhearted to it because it reminds them that living things need foods and this is the evidence of that.  And a squishy wants to be surrounded by darlingness at all times.  Those that are either married or dating a squishy, either grow annoyed by it or eventually succumb to it...more than likely quietly.  A good way to guage the mates' own squishiness is by the length of the relationship.  If they are still together after a small zoo of animal rescues moved in and numerous figurines stare at them at night because "they are cute and do nothing and it tells a story so we HAVE to have them in our home", then it's a tell tale sign that they seceretly love the squishiness and became one themselves.  And that right there is downright squishy.

A cold disgust is just that, a cold disgust.  They are usually not very sociable unless it benefits them somehow.  And they are usually do nothings unless it benefits them somehow.  A cold disgust will snatch the last loaf of bread on the shelf from an elder.  A cold disgust will cut in front of a happy family that has been waiting in line for an hour to ride the rollercoaster and laugh about it. They finish their charming little conversations with "screw you" and then walk away farting.  It is almost impossible to find anything good about a cold disgust from a squishie's viewpoint other than the fact that it was once a little fetus, and even that is far-fetched for a squishy.   A cold disgust might have a few surprises though.  They might put up Christmas decorations and join in Halloween festivities, but it will cost others down the line.  Others involved in trying to "change" a cold disgust will usually suffer in the long run.  They will be putting up the Christmas decorations for a cold disgust in hopes that they are helping to bring out some cheer and better them, while a cold disgust plays them.  But a cold disgust does have emotions, it just takes a great big enormous deal to bring it out of them.  Deep, deep, deep into the darkest depths of a cold disgust is some sort of beating organ that once in awhile is happy.  Cold disgusts are simply afraid to be seen as a squishy, but secretly would like to be one.

An unalive is pretty severe.  An unalive is beyond a cold disgust and simply exists.  It is a medical mystery as to how an unalive lives.  It is nothing more than walking bones.  Quite extraordinary in a sick kinda way.  An unalive is sometimes confused as a rock.  An unalive tends to upset many people, particularly a dramatic.   Since they are direct opposites, a dramatic that is presented with an unalive will try especially hard to "bring some life" to an unalive.  This can result in a really stupid show of emotions.  Resulting in some sort of game, a dramatic will almost start convulsing at the unalive.  The unalive will not laugh, will not bundle, will not fart or push at anything or anyone.  The unalive is just there.  They are just there to be another body, another mass of dumb turd.  You want to kick an unalive.  A squishy would want to throw a dog at it.  A cold disgust isn't even tempted to disturb it, in fear that it will do nothing at all back.  There is no challenge.  The only thing that will bring out some sort of emotion is at feeding times.  At feeding, it will make a grunt or approval sound.  If you find yourself eating around an unalive, it makes you suddenly feel dumb for eating.  You see foods for what they are: fuel so you can keep on doing what you do everyday, and fuel for more of your emotions.  An unalive makes you mad that it eats.  It makes you mad that it continues to eat so it can do more of nothing.   It is sick and hideous and I hope you are not one, because that would make me really mad that you are reading my article.  Then you are going to eat. 

Ok, I'm going to stop right there on the unalive, because it's starting to get me mad and emotional.  An unalive disgusts me more than anything in the world.  It makes me want to throw a road at it.   You are sick, unalive!! You are straight up a disgusting, rotten, generic lump of skummy cheese that hasn't been picked off the shelf in months and is cast away for chicken feed and then the chickens don't even peck at you.   You are badness!   Just stay away.  I don't want to hear your breathing.  Because that makes me madder. 

See how even writing can stir your emotions?  Emotions are amazing.  Of course, these are quite extreme emotions that I listed in this article.   But we like extreme.  No one wants to read about the in-betweens.  They suck and are dumb and unmentionables.  They just walk around following everything.  You could lay out a path of sausages and they would follow along and wait for the mustard.  Boring and dumb. 

So today, look around in the crowds at stores, at traffic lights, at your job and in your own home.  It's entertaining and frightening and it will bring out the emotions in you.


  1. HAHAHA!!!! I will always now compare people to these catagories!!!! LOL!!!! This is hilarious but also brilliant at the same time haha

  2. I like the "throw a dog at it and throw a road at it"
    I also laughed at the reason why a squishy would find poop lovable lol!!!!!