A Message To Readers (if I even have any):

Chances are you happend upon my little page by googling in the toolbar something completely off the wall, and if that was what you were looking for, then you've come to the right place. Be prepared to waste a period of your life away if you graze around my page. You will not get the alloted time back, so I am warning you, I am not responsible.
I write about absolutely nothing at all. There is no importance to it, nor is there anything that will make you brighter. It will, in fact, make you dumb and possibly entertained a bit. I write because it's an outlet. It's fun and footloose and fancyfree. I have grammar and punctuation problems, and you probably have foul smelling body odor or maybe you walk through life with a constant wedgie. Let's play on that and be stoopit.
Beware of foul language and sometimes disgusting use of words.
Can't say I didn't warn ya.
Over and out.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Cereal eating

Cereals! There are so many kinds! Endulge! Shop for them and then bring them home in bags! Place the boxes in your cabinet that isn't quite big enough for all the cereal boxes, so you end up slanting the boxes or smashing them in there.  You have the cereals now.   You can eat them later.  Or now.  Whichever.  Eat those cereals.  Which flavor did you choose?  There are varieties of them in colorful boxes.  It's a hard choice when going down that isle, so take your time and block other customers from viewing the choices.  Bang a few grocery carts and hurry through the isle like they are about to run out.  You freak out about cereals, you are a serious buyer.  You look at the box while eating the cereals.  You read the nutritions on the box and feel good about eating a bowl of them.  You are a healthy sonofabitch.  Go ahead, pour another bowl.  Eat that thing!

Doesn't that just make you feel like you need to hurry and eat a bowl? It makes you feel like it's a madhouse situation all about cereal.  Like, "hurry up and dump the cereal inside your awkward bodymass."  You need that cereal. I should advertise for cereal. 

But cereal eating is sick.  It really is.  Look at these people...

First off, a family isn't like that.  They don't sit at a table in a dentist looking atmosphere of a house and "say cheese" before devouring cereals.   Cereal commercials depict that all the time.  What is that about anyways?  And milk isn't poured from a glass jug jar thing.  ALL cereal commercials have that.  Or the milk cart.  What happend to the milk jug with pieces of last nite's din din spagetti stuck on it?  Or chocolate syrup dribbled on it from an attempt to make chocolate milk? Really...our milk jug is disgusting and I always can't wait until it's gone and I can throw it out to get a new clean milk container to place in the fridge.

This is what a cereal commercial should be more like:

That is straight up nasty! Munja munja!  And the kid is laying in it playing. 

Whenever people are eating cereals near me it kind of makes me mad.  I have to tune them out.  Especially when they are eating the cereals in front of a tv.   They hold the bowl like it's a statue, supporting it from the bottom.  Their head is nearly hanging over the bowl and they take scoops from the bowl.  They stop and chew, laugh at the tv and grab another scoop.  The head, mouth, spoon and bowl are almost connected by an invisible string.  All attached together.  Slurp chew scoop over and over with a laugh or chuckle in between.   And you know for a fact that if they were not eating that bowl of cereals, they wouldn't be laughing at the tv.  Sometimes, I want a bowl of cereal.  But I don't get one because I will be thinking that in my head while I'm eating the bowl of cereals.   Loops.   granola.   flakes.  pebbles.  cream.  crunch.  puffs.  all of these are associated with the cereals. 

So when I am watching tv, I usually opt for a sandwich.  But before I go and make one, I remember that the breads get stuck in my mouth so then I don't make a sandwich either.  So I sit there and do nothing at all with my arms. 

Eating ice cream doesn't count.  Ice cream is a silent eating.  So you would be safe to eat that.  Just be careful with the cereals.  They are tempting. 

And when you are done eating the cereals, don't forget to put the bowl away.  Otherwise, your cat will drink from the bowl of sparse cereal floating in there with the sugary milk left over and end up getting sick, doing a vertical downward puke from up on the couch to the floor. 

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