Noticing the stupid people

Some things in life just can't be avoided.  Dentist visits, bathing, and stupid people.  Take notice around you during your going abouts.  It cannot be denied, they are everywhere.  And with human population on the uprise, your odds of running into one is quite probable.  Well, don't roll your eyes at me!! I'm simply telling you what you already know.  After all, you have seen them.  Am I right?!  I thought so.  They are everywhere, and I mean everywhere!

So what can be done about this?  I'm glad you asked, because that is the first step in realizing the issue at hand.  There are several ways to deal with this:

Place spikes around your premises.

The ones in the picture are not quite large enough, but you get the idea.  Real stupid people need larger spikes.  Smaller spikes for smaller problems.  Some are convienient, retractable models, for taking to the office.



                                                                                             Become an acrobat.

Doing so, you will be able to outrun them.  Stupid people walk on two left feet.  They are unaware of their comings and goings.  Train at your local YMCA, take ninja courses and look into joining a circus for great insider tips.  The sooner you can master these feats, the better off you'll be from the idiots.




                                                                                  Throw Marbles at them.

                                                                                       


We all know the reason for this.


              And if by any chance, you are the state of emergency because somehow, some way, one of the stoopits got ahold of your precious phone number, make recordings of your dog answering the phone so when the dumb heads do call, the recordings of Fido will answer for you.

Now there is hope for them.  Studies show that treating stupid with stupid results in a more positive well being.  Two negatives make a positive!  But be patient....the longer a stupid is left alone, the longer and less hopeful they are to becoming an active, intelligent part of society.  Remember, you are doing them some good.  And if anything else, you are being entertained.

The Joys of Springtime...

Springtime is a wonderful time of year full of fresh starts and good outdoor smells.  After the dulldrums of winter, people seem to wake up and soon head outdoors to cause all sorts of rukus.  Lawn equiptment is brought out, grills are fired  up, and the ice cream truck is starting to show up at dinnertime so that kids cannot buy the ice cream because it will spoil their dinners.  Almost everyone in their right, sane minds enjoys spring.  It's not too hot, and not too cold, but just comfy enough for peoples so they can enjoy the outdoors and annoy their  fellow neighbors with their grass cutting, pressure washing, screaming bratty kid fights and the occasional "please don't wash your car nekkid in my viewing" events. 

Grass cutting is an art that almost everyone thinks of when spring arrives.  It's time for your anal lawn neighbor to break out his edger and perfect his curb grass.  Walking along the edge of his yard, you're almost afraid to step one inch on his grass in fear that you'll leave a footprint.  Geez, it's beautiful.  It would be terrible if a fire ant infestation cropped up .... you look back at your patchy grass that you've struggled season after season and decide to give him one.

Yes, grass cutters are in a league of their own.

With the weather warming up and all the activities going on outside, people feel the need to eat outdoors too.  Humans and animals need to jam food down their throats because it is necessary, but why not bring this ritual outside where everyone in the neighborhood can watch what you are preparing and cramming down your gullets? And then sometimes, we invite friends and family to join us, which results in what we call a barbque with chicken legs and tamborines and such.  If you haven't gone to one of these, I suggest you do so this spring.  Knock on neighbors doors and ask when you will be invited over for the foods.

And with all the eating going on, there are bound to be extra piles laying around.  We can only hope they land on Mr. Perfect's lawn. 

Good Dog !!

And lastly, Springtime is time to make new memories.  Time for sight seeing, or possibly planning a family vacation.  People are out taking pictures and viewing nature in it's glory.

Yes, spring is a time of year that everyone looks forward to.  But it's also a very dangerous time of year, so beware.  Don't die out there.

Some such things that you should know about, or feel really dumb for not knowing about these mentionings

First things first.  Before we cut the ribbon and break out the bubbly, I want to thank my awesome sister for showing me that I, too can  blog!  Oh, yes, this is going to be great!  I have been totally stalking her blog page, which is sheer genius in works and I really wanted to join in !  So now, you can learn some more awesomeness and pack your craw with all kinds of interesting facts and such.   Get ready, grab a snickers!  You will be tested at a later date.

Are you aware that after a rainstorm in Haiti, you can smell the dung of an elephant from the San Fransico zoo?  And how would you even know it's the elephant from that zoo in America you ask?  Because the elephants in that particular zoo are fed a peanut from Farmer Buck's peanut farm.  Haiti sends the seeds, Farmer Buck plants them, and then the scent from the elephant's bung transfers all the way back to the homeland.            Well now...you see.    Share that with your friends.   Makes you want a peanut, doesn't it?!   Told ya to grab a snickers.


Many people are born with a second head.  It is smaller than the original mass, and dies off shortly after birth.  The dominant one takes over and learns to feed.   Ask your mother about this.



Looking in your purse for some gum but haven't got any?  Remember this trick from the native lands.  Grab your purse strap.  (Leather prefferably)  break into desired segments of your choice, and chew.  Back in the pride lands, the natives have a great habit of chewing.  It's because of diet....firm, tough meats mean exercising the mandibles.  Your cravings of chewing on something arise when you hear a bongo rythm on your car stereo or such....it's your caveman tendencies creeping up, and needing to satisfy.   If you do not succumb to these tendencies, you will develop caveman jaw over time...my sister might have an article on it in the near future.


Now I know what you must be thinking:  Wow! You are brilliant!  I know.  I can help you with brilliance.  But these things take time, and I am asking you if you are ready to go with me on a journey.  A journey of time and space and sheer stupidity.  For we are vulcans.           And we can fly.